Telling kids perfection is impossible requires "massive paradigm shift" for Singapore parents: Relationship coach - Singapore News

Source: The Independent
Author: Anna Maria Romero

SINGAPORE: When tennis legend Roger Federer gave the 2024 Commencement Address at Dartmouth College on June 9, his speech went viral due to the many lessons he served up, including reminding the graduates that "perfection is impossible."

Local relationship coach Parcsen Loke is among those who have written about Federer's speech, zeroing in on the tennis champion's attitude toward perfection and how this can help parents, especially those in Singapore.

Federer said in his speech that he had won only 54 per cent of the points he played in the games he actually won.

"It is not just his exceptional skill and athleticism that make him a champion. It is also his attitude and mindset. Whenever he does not manage to win a point, he reminds himself that 'it's only a point,'" wrote Mr Loke in a recent Facebook post, adding that as is common with winners, Federer does not endlessly think about every shot. When they've been taken, they're already behind you.

He added that in the parenting groups he's a part of on Facebook, there have been numerous posts on the commencement speech, with many parents saying that the tennis great's perspective is a good one to have.

Mr Loke acknowledged, however, that this could be challenging for parents in Singapore, and asked: "What do you think it will take for SG parents to move away from striving for perfection (in their children's academic performance) and towards helping their children win the long game called LIFE?"

The Independent Singapore reached out to Mr Loke to ask him to say more on the the paradigm shift required to adopt a parenting approach akin to Federer's "it's only a point" mindset.

He told us that one of the changes parents in Singapore can make is to switch from aiming for perfection towards aiming for progress.

Mr Loke added that such a paradigm shift could be difficult as "parents may have a mental model or dream for their family or child," perhaps formed by their own childhood, like with parents who grow up poor wanting their children to succeed.

He also recognizes that it's not only teens who experience peer pressure, and some parents may feel the need "to keep up with the Joneses."

Mr Loke told us that he recently talked to a friend about "the anti-fragile mindset, one that embraced setbacks, crisis and failure because they are opportunities for learning and growth."As parents develop this mindset for themselves, they can in turn teach the same to their children.

Like he did in his post, he ended his tete-a-tete with us with a reminder to parents about "the longer game called life," sharing a personal anecdote.

"My eldest daughter is married and has two kids. I feel proud at how she and her husband are raising them. That is success," he said.